Summer

24 September 2011

Guilty Pleasure Flick Saturday - Men In Black

It's Saturday and it's time for another of my Guilty Pleasure Flicks. This week it's Men In Black with the tagline: "Men in Black - Protecting the Earth from the scum of the Universe". We are getting free Cinemax this weekend and this was on. It kept me happily occupied until 'Haven' came on.
Will Smith is street wise/smartass Agent Jay, Tommy Lee Jones is crusty Agent Kay, Rip Torn is Zed, Linda Fiorentino is Dr Laurel Weaver the morgue doc, and the inimitable Vincent D'Onofrio is Edgar/bug alien....I love watching D'Onofrio work. There's also the almost unrecognizable Tony Shalhoub as Jeebs the pawn shop owner/ alien.

Some of my favorite quotes:

Edgar: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it! It IS poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck!
[Just then, a flying saucer smashes his truck, and Edgar comes out of the house to look at the damage]
Edgar: Figures.
************************
Zed: We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.
***********************
[to candidates rejected as MIB agents]
Zed: Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training. Now please step this way, as we provide you with our final test: an eye exam...
[a series of flashes occur]
*************************
Kay: All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
Jay: Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?
Kay: A standard issue neuralyzer.
Jay: And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?
Kay: On a more personal note Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend. You're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights. You're gonna get over it and decide you're better off. Jay: Well, yeah, you know, 'cause 'cause he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what - you kicked HIM out! And now that he's gone you're gonna go into town, you go to Bloomingdale's and find some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, you know, find somewhere, maybe you can get a facial. And, uh, oh - hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause... DAMN.
****************************
Zed: You'll dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MiB special services. You'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. You'll not stand out in any way. Your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter. You're a rumor, recognizable only as deja vu and dismissed just as quickly. You don't exist; you were never even born. Anonymity is your name. Silence your native tongue. You're no longer part of the System. You're above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We're "them." We're "they." We are the Men in Black.
****************************
Jay: Zed, don't you guys ever get any sleep around here?
Zed: The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it... or you'll have a psychotic episode.
*********************
Jay: Did you ever flashy-thing me?
Kay: No.
Jay: I ain't playing with you, K. Did you ever flashy-thing me?
Kay: No.
***************************
Jay: [suited up] You know the difference between you and me? I make this look GOOD.
**********************
Beatrice: You here to make fun of me too?
Kay: No, ma'am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of. May we come in?
Beatrice: Sure.
*********************
Kay: Not bad for your second day of work, is it?
Jay: This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter.
Kay: You should've been here for the Zeronian migration in 1968.
*********************
Kay: You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacity to an unlicensed cephalopoid, Jeebs, you piece of shit...
Jeebs: He looked all right to me.
***************************
Kay: [looking skywards] They're beautiful, aren't they?
Jay: What?
Kay: The stars.
Jay: K, you're frightening your partner...
Kay: I haven't been looking for a partner. I've been looking for a replacement.
Jay: K, I can NOT do this by myself, all right?
Dr. Weaver: Hey, guys, can you drop me off home? My apartment isn't in this area...
Kay: I've just been down the gullet of an interstellar cockroach. That's one of a hundred memories I don't want.
**************************
Jay: Unlimited technology from the whole universe, and we cruise 'round in a Ford P.O.S.
******************
Jay: All right, I'm in. 'Cause there's some next level shit going on and I'm OK with that. But before y'all go beaming me up there's one thing you gotta remember: You chose me... so you recognized the skills, so I don't want nobody calling me son or kid or sport or nothing like that, cool?
Kay: Cool, whatever you say, slick, but I need to tell you something about all your skills. As of right now, they mean precisely... dick.
***********************
[Jay and Kay meet a strange-looking man holding a dog on a leash]
Jay: Now that's the worst disguise ever. That guy's gotta be an alien.
Frank the Pug: You don't like it, you can kiss my furry little butt!
***********************
Kay: I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?
Jay: Uh, wait, that was on "Final Jeopardy!" last night. Damn, Alex said...
Kay: [opening his cell phone] Zed, we have a bug.
************************
[In a shooting range, confronted with numerous menacing-looking targets, Edwards shoots a cardboard little girl]
Zed: May I ask why you felt little Tiffany deserved to die?
James Edwards/
Agent Jay: Well, she was the only one that actually seemed dangerous at the time, sir. Zed: How'd you come to that conclusion?

James Edwards/Agent Jay: Well, first I was gonna pop this guy hanging from the street light, and I realized, y'know, he's just working out. I mean, how would I feel if somebody come runnin' in the gym and bust me in my ass while I'm on the treadmill? Then I saw this snarling beast guy, and I noticed he had a tissue in his hand, and I'm realizing, y'know, he's not snarling, he's sneezing. Y'know, ain't no real threat there. Then I saw little Tiffany. I'm thinking, y'know, eight-year-old white girl, middle of the ghetto, bunch of monsters, this time of night with quantum physics books? She about to start some shit, Zed. She's about eight years old, those books are WAY too advanced for her. If you ask me, I'd say she's up to something. And to be honest, I'd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it. [pause] Or do I owe her an apology? [pause] That's a good shot though...

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